My 05.10.05 September 17, 2008

The three years have been so wonderfully tough for us. Beautiful, indeed, i may say. It may take me longer than I thought, if I should list all the reasons why I loved you and still loving you. Cause you alone is enough reason.

But if I selfishly and painstakingly choose my independence, would you not let me? I’ve tried my best to cope yet I cannot fulfill my promise anymore. If I’ve been so distant, would you blame me? I tried.

Should we have another chance someday. I wish I could be the girl you wanted me to be. But if this should be the end for us, I hope we could learn to find a friend in each other.

I cannot thank you enough for giving me the best three years so far. For being there still, when I’m being difficult. For understanding me. Most especially for loving me….. inspite and despite.

xoxo

as quietly as possible August 2, 2008

When we try to make our conversations to a minimum, is it bad? Maybe not, but nothing any better too. Silence becomes a contract between you and me. We get to write the contract, yet we both have no negotiating power but have the ability to either accept or refuse.

Sometimes it is convenient but practically taxing, this oxymoron that we created. Frequent talk but less conversation. Where did we lose our fluency? I suddenly forgot how to bring you around. Now I’m guessing.

…Making it more bearable. July 21, 2008

Leaving and Leaving You

When I leave your postcode and your commuting station,
When I left undone all the things we planned to do
You may feel you have been left by association
But there is leaving and leaving you.

When I leave your town and the club that you belong to,
When I leave without much warning or much regret,
Remember, there’s doing wrong and there’s doing wrong to
You, which I’ll never do and I haven’t yet,

And when I have gone, remember that in weighing
Everything up, from love to a cheaper rent,
You were all the reasons I thought of staying,
And none of the reasons why I went

And although I leave your sight and I leave your setting,
And our separation is soon to be a fact,
Though you stand beside what I’m leaving and forgetting,
I’m not leaving you, not if motive makes the act.

Sophie Hannah

Lonely Pink Matter June 27, 2008

At this point, I am just hoping I have something intelligent to offer but I’m too lonely to think or even work. Most of the time, I have a ready smile on my lips and a whistle in my heart, but I guess this is just not one of those days. And I could only keep the reason why.

Maybe I could practically drown this grief. I wish. Anybody who wants to join me?

Let’s swim. Holiday Spa.

6:00 tonight.

Framed June 26, 2008

But the rain has brought the night

And the night has brought the rain

Scratch!

under construction June 25, 2008

…time to be alone. time to just be.

Let me do this, to be whole and warm… enough to grab life and love with both hands.

Never meant to offend or shut you out… you’ll understand.

Later.