Contradiction, Ennui, etc. April 7, 2009

I work. A lot. Productive, I guess, but a little intellectually detached.
I love. I care. Truly. But most of the time I’m emotionally detached.

I walk… run… travel… Do numerous adventures. But I’m rooted helplessly on the spot more than I move around.

I always have something to say. I talk too much. But I mute when explaining myself, especially telling what I feel.

When I laugh, frown, smile, cry. Just take it as it is. It is all I could give anyway.
So don’t ask why, I’m sourced out of finding reasons.

Silver Year – 2009 January 5, 2009

I’m still having the hang of Christmas and New Year holidays. Longest vacation I had, so far, since i started to work. My 2008 started well and ended better. Looking forward for 2009 to be a greater year for me, hopefully!

I just turned Silver just when the world is welcoming the year 2009. I celebrated my birthday with my loved ones. I’m now half the age of my mum. It was actually a triple celebration – New Year, my birthday and my mum’s (hers was January 2).

I officially started my year today… working, of course, and I wanna start it right (ehem, I’ll try with all my might). So, for a start, I want to thank everybody who have been with me for the past year and the coming, as well. For all the greetings through texts, calls, emails, IMs, in person, etc. but most especially the LOVE and CARE which I hope I reciprocated. I pray for us all a beautiful and bountiful year ahead and for the coming years. God bless us all!

World Peace! hehe

XOXO
Rilag

To infinity and beyond (Part 2) October 11, 2008

Napakalalim ng iniisip, wala man lang kakurap-kurap, I heard Sir Drew saying. I was so absorbed inside the bubble I created while others are partying – people eating, talking and laughing and children playing. An officemate then followed up saying not to think about it. If I’m not morena at all, surely I’ll blend with my blouse on that instant and people would’ve mistaken me as one of the pink balloons surrounding the place.

I can feel my ears and cheeks burning. I wonder how many minutes long I left the world. Did I miss a lot of fun happening around? I just wonder. A lot of things running inside my head and matters unsettling within my heart. And I quite believe whatever the issue is, it was not premeditated. I never saw it coming. But I felt an appropriate level of happiness.

I’m not so sure though if I’ll do something about it. It’s utterly complicated. I would bet big time that it won’t make things any better too. At least just for the time being. It’ll just distort lovely moments that was painted. And could be misconstrued by some.

Err, I honestly, I’m confused. Nah, I’ll figure it out. Might not be soon, but I will. My heart will lead me there. Then I should not apologize. Then I’ll thank thee. Then I can blink and smile even if I’m staring at oblivion.

Freckles & Bugoy October 9, 2008

Freckles (English version of Samurai X’ Sobakasu) and Paano na Kaya (of Bugoy Bugayon)

– Weird title or singer. I don’t like it. I find it funny. It’s some kind of jologs. Either it’s because of the melody or lyrics. I usually like songs because of the latter.

– But yes, two of my songs for the moment. It goes with my momentarily insanity, though my moments are usually almost forever. If I have to reiterate my cheesiness and eww-ness, Lani Misalucha’s Reminisce is in my mp3. Hahaha Jologs talaga ang lekwat.

oscillate September 22, 2008

How painful it could get when you decided not to see the most special person in your life anymore, or at least used to be, quite the same way before?

…nothing than forcing your heart not to beat anymore.

My 05.10.05 September 17, 2008

The three years have been so wonderfully tough for us. Beautiful, indeed, i may say. It may take me longer than I thought, if I should list all the reasons why I loved you and still loving you. Cause you alone is enough reason.

But if I selfishly and painstakingly choose my independence, would you not let me? I’ve tried my best to cope yet I cannot fulfill my promise anymore. If I’ve been so distant, would you blame me? I tried.

Should we have another chance someday. I wish I could be the girl you wanted me to be. But if this should be the end for us, I hope we could learn to find a friend in each other.

I cannot thank you enough for giving me the best three years so far. For being there still, when I’m being difficult. For understanding me. Most especially for loving me….. inspite and despite.

xoxo

as quietly as possible August 2, 2008

When we try to make our conversations to a minimum, is it bad? Maybe not, but nothing any better too. Silence becomes a contract between you and me. We get to write the contract, yet we both have no negotiating power but have the ability to either accept or refuse.

Sometimes it is convenient but practically taxing, this oxymoron that we created. Frequent talk but less conversation. Where did we lose our fluency? I suddenly forgot how to bring you around. Now I’m guessing.

…Making it more bearable. July 21, 2008

Leaving and Leaving You

When I leave your postcode and your commuting station,
When I left undone all the things we planned to do
You may feel you have been left by association
But there is leaving and leaving you.

When I leave your town and the club that you belong to,
When I leave without much warning or much regret,
Remember, there’s doing wrong and there’s doing wrong to
You, which I’ll never do and I haven’t yet,

And when I have gone, remember that in weighing
Everything up, from love to a cheaper rent,
You were all the reasons I thought of staying,
And none of the reasons why I went

And although I leave your sight and I leave your setting,
And our separation is soon to be a fact,
Though you stand beside what I’m leaving and forgetting,
I’m not leaving you, not if motive makes the act.

Sophie Hannah

Lonely Pink Matter June 27, 2008

At this point, I am just hoping I have something intelligent to offer but I’m too lonely to think or even work. Most of the time, I have a ready smile on my lips and a whistle in my heart, but I guess this is just not one of those days. And I could only keep the reason why.

Maybe I could practically drown this grief. I wish. Anybody who wants to join me?

Let’s swim. Holiday Spa.

6:00 tonight.

Framed June 26, 2008

But the rain has brought the night

And the night has brought the rain

Scratch!